And let’s be clear here — hate sex is not make-up sex, which is something that takes place within the boundaries of a still loving relationship following conflict, with the purpose of putting that argument behind you.
This is sex that’s about anger and revenge, not reconciliation.
It is possible for the man to come away feeling desperate to rekindle the relationship, and win back the woman who now seems to despise him even more.
At the start of the scene, Gemma clearly had sexual blackmail on her mind, attempting to film the encounter on her smartphone so she could send it to Simon’s new, much younger wife.
But when my client made arrangements to meet her ex, to discuss childcare arrangements for their four-year-old daughter, sex wasn’t faintly on the agenda.
A client recently sat in front of me in floods of tears, consumed with guilt, shame and self-loathing.
The source of her distress: that she had, the previous week, experienced the most passionate and physically fulfilling sex imaginable with her soon to be ex-husband, and couldn’t forgive herself for it. Because this was what I describe as hate sex, shared with the man who had left her a year ago for the woman he had just announced he intended to marry instead.
But unlike a heavy night on the Prosecco, the deflated feeling of shame you get after sex with someone you despise is something you’ll have to live with for much longer.